The Homecoming: A Journey Back to Your Soul

A Story of Stumbling Through Darkness and Discovering the Door to Greatness

Published on January 10, 2025

Let me take you back to a tiny village in the north of Lithuania, where I was born—a place where dreams felt distant and life was simple. Since I was a little girl, I felt a little different, as though I saw the world through a lens others didn’t have. I remember family and friends gathering around; while the other kids played (as normal ones normally do), I was glued to the adults, listening intently to their conversations. I was drawn to their stories, their struggles, their raw humanity, as if I were constantly searching for something—something more, something deeper. Even then, I was already captivated by the complexities of the human mind.

As a teenager, I could still feel that quiet pull, that whisper in my heart. It wasn’t loud or demanding, but it was always there—a subtle nudge, as if my soul was trying to show me glimpses of something greater, something magical. I never considered myself spacey or lost in daydreams. I wasn’t someone who drifted through life with my head in the clouds. I was deep. There was a part of me that longed for something beyond what was visible, something profound. And yet, I didn’t know how to listen to that whisper, let alone how to follow it. Deep down, I believed that dreams do come true—but I didn’t know what my dreams actually were. That depth, however, was overshadowed by the environment I grew up in, one that prized rationality above all else.

My dad was a deeply rational man, and everyone around me seemed to reflect the same mindset—including his dad, my grandpa, who was a physics professor at a university, and his mom, my grandma, who was a physics teacher at a college. And, of course, there was my mom, who was a bookkeeper. The world I was immersed in revolved around logic, analytical thinking, and measurable success. At school, I was in an advanced mathematics class. University reinforced this even further, with professors who valued what they called “rational” reasoning and linear problem-solving over creativity and philosophical exploration. In my household and the broader environment I lived in, there was little room for abstract thought, artistry, or the intangible magic I felt within.

Even though I had a natural tendency to explore these ideas in my own world, it often felt like a hidden part of me—a part that wasn’t nurtured or seen. That side of me existed quietly, beneath the surface, while I conformed to the expectations around me. So, like so many others, I got busy with life. I followed the expected path: I went to university, earned multiple degrees, built a career, and pursued relationships. On the surface, I was achieving and progressing, building a life that seemed successful. But deep down, I knew something was missing.

Although I appeared content and bubbly, it was just a mask most of the time. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t truly proud of myself. I wasn’t excited about my future. I had lost touch with the part of me that believed in magic, in dreams, in the extraordinary. I had forgotten how to listen to the whispers of my soul. I felt like I had become just a shell of who I once was, never quite following the intuition that kept resurfacing over the years.

The Wake-Up Calls

Life has a way of shaking us awake, often through pain. My wake-up calls came in the form of profound loss. The first was the sudden death of my mom. She was just 47 when she passed—without warning, without time to prepare, although I’m not sure anyone can ever truly prepare for something like that. One moment she was here, vibrant and alive, and the next, she was gone—like dust in the air, a presence in my heart, and a void in my life. Losing her wasn’t just about grief—it was about losing a connection to the unconditional love, safety, and care that had always been my foundation.

The second came in the form of a relationship. My long-term partner fell severely ill not long after we got together. In my mid-20s, I found myself stepping into a role I wasn’t ready for—becoming the financial, emotional, and physical support for someone who couldn’t even brush his teeth without pain. Years passed as I sacrificed myself for the well-being of another, losing pieces of myself along the way.

And yet, as painful as these experiences were, they became the greatest gifts of my life. They broke me open, forcing me to confront the void within and begin the journey of rebuilding—not the life I thought I was supposed to live, but the one my soul was calling me to create. These losses shattered the illusions I had built my life around. They stripped me bare and made it impossible to keep living on autopilot. For the first time, I had to look within and face the parts of myself I had been too busy to acknowledge.

The Turning Point

In February 2018, I hired my first coach, Barbara, and my life began to change in ways I couldn’t have imagined. At that point, I was still clinging to the identity I had built to survive—the roles, the masks, the stories I had told myself about who I was. Working with Barbara marked the beginning of a complete unraveling. It was as if every piece of me was being dismantled. Beliefs, fears, patterns—everything I thought I knew about myself was stripped away. It was messy, uncomfortable, and painful. But it was so very liberating.

Barbara opened the door to a journey of transformation, and over the years, I’ve been guided by extraordinary coaches, mentors, spiritual teachers, and soul-aligned friends. They stood by me through my darkest moments, held space as I rebuilt myself, and helped me step into a version of myself that is more aligned, more authentic, and more powerful than I ever thought possible.

What surprised me most about this journey was how much I had to let go of—not just external attachments, but the deeply ingrained beliefs that had shaped my entire sense of self. I had to confront the fear of being seen for who I truly was. I had to learn how to trust myself again, to trust life, and to trust the process of becoming. And while I never felt guilty or ashamed for the years I spent disconnected or the choices I made from a place of fear, I did wish I had started this journey sooner.

The Void Within

One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned is this:

You cannot build a beautiful life on a foundation of emptiness.

For much of my life, I had been searching for something outside of myself to fill the void within me. That void came from a deep longing to be truly seen—not just for what I did, but for who I was.

Even though I grew up surrounded by unconditional love, the truest, deepest parts of me often felt invisible. The people around me couldn’t see the fullness of my soul—not because they didn’t care, but because they were carrying their own struggles and couldn’t see what I couldn’t yet see in myself. They couldn’t meet me where I was.

Over time, I realized that the answer wasn’t out there. It was never about someone else seeing me. It was about me seeing myself. It was about connecting with the beauty, power, and magic that had always been within me. And when I finally saw myself—when I slowly, but surely, began to truly embrace the fullness of who I was—everything began to change.

Falling in Love with Life

Today, my life is unrecognizable from where I started. It’s a life filled with magic, miracles, moments of profound beauty, unconditional love, and deep, overwhelming gratitude. It’s a life where every day feels like an adventure—not because it’s perfect, but because it’s real, raw, and beautifully messy. It’s aligned. And it’s mine.

It’s not about achieving perfection or ticking off accomplishments on a list—it’s about the profound sense of aliveness that fills every moment. Because you see, falling in love with life doesn’t happen in an instant. It’s not about a sudden burst of joy or a fleeting moment of happiness. It’s a gradual awakening, a deep and abiding connection to the beauty and magic that have always been there, waiting for you to notice.

It’s waking up each morning and feeling a quiet sense of awe for simply being alive. It’s savoring the little things—the way the sunlight dances on the ocean, the sound of laughter, the warmth of a gentle breeze. It’s realizing that these moments, the ones we so often overlook, are the essence of what it means to truly live.

Falling in love with life means embracing all of it—the highs and the lows, the triumphs and the challenges. It’s understanding that even the hard moments carry gifts, that every struggle is an invitation to grow, to expand, to deepen your connection to yourself and the world around you.

When you fall in love with life, it stops being about chasing something outside of you. You stop waiting for the 'big' moments to feel fulfilled—those fleeting instants that quickly fade, leaving you yearning to chase something else. Instead, you begin to see the extraordinary in the ordinary. You realize that the magic isn’t in some far-off destination—it’s in the here and now. It’s in you and the people around you.

It’s not always easy. Some days will test you, and some moments will bring you to your knees. But even in those moments, there’s a quiet knowing that you are exactly where you are meant to be. That every experience is part of a greater unfolding, a masterpiece in the making.

Falling in love with life means seeing yourself in a new light—recognizing the beauty, power, and worth that have always been within you. It means allowing yourself to dream again, to hope again, to believe that anything is possible. It’s about reconnecting with your soul, letting it guide you, and trusting that it will always lead you to exactly where you’re meant to go.

When you fall in love with life, you become the creator of your own experience. You stop settling for less than what you deserve. You stop living on autopilot and start living with intention, with purpose, with pure, unconditional joy.

And the most beautiful part? Falling in love with life is just the beginning. Because once you’re in that space, you’ll realize that there are no limits to what you can create in this lifetime. You’ll see that the magic isn’t something you find—it’s something you already are and something you constantly create, day in and day out.

This isn’t about having a life that looks good to your neighbor. It’s about creating a life that feels extraordinary from within. It’s about waking up each day with a sense of wonder, knowing you’re exactly where you’re meant to be, and embracing the infinite possibilities that await you.

The Pull You Can’t Explain

If you’ve read this far, chances are you feel that sense of wonder stirring in your chest.

Maybe you can’t explain it. Maybe it doesn’t even make sense.

But there’s a pull—a whisper in your heart that tells you - there’s more, go deeper.

And if that whisper is calling to you, I’m here to walk this journey with you. I will guide you, support you, and celebrate you. Together, we’ll create a life that feels like pure magic—a life so aligned with your soul that you’ll wonder how you ever lived any other way.

And for the first time, you’ll finally feel like you’ve arrived back home.

Much love,

Ruta

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